Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Welcome baaaack.....possibly...

Oh my blog. Why have a strayed so far away from you? How did I ever get so lost??

Well I'm back. (Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back)

I hope.

The month of July was packed full of fun, family and activity but somehow I just forgot to write about it. Possibly because I have been physically miserable in the midst of enjoying it all. As much as I can with this horrible heat. I mean, I know it's like 115 in Phoenix but it's SUPPOSED to be 115 in Phoenix in the summer. But it's like 105 or something here and I keep thinking "this isn't Phoenix". What. The. Heck?

Enough about the heat though....

About a year ago I lost my very favorite cardiologist. Dr. S didn't exactly wander off and get lost, he moved to Kansas. So while someone else gained his greatness, I lost it. Several months ago my second cardiologist, Dr. T, decided that my heart rate wasn't where he felt it should be. Mind you, after my heart attack Dr. C and Dr. S both said "oh, you have a naturally high heart rate". We all seemed fine with that. I guess Dr. T never got that memo. (Why did you leave me Dr. S?) So he upped one of my medications. A few months later he still wasn't happy so he upped it AGAIN. And I began to feel miserable. I went from being fairly active and able to take walks with Shiner to hardly being able to walk to the mail box. And then as the summer progressed I noticed that there were times I just couldn't breath. Couldn't even catch my breath - with hardly any exertion. Strangely enough that just didn't seem right to me. We were in South Padre in the middle of July and I was getting up early to walk Shiner on the beach. I would get about 10 minutes down the beach and had to turn around to head back. By the time I reached the condo I could hardly breath. It was not only extremely scary but incredibly frustrating.

Geez, I just want to take a darn walk!!!

So, a change in cardiologist seemed necessary. Welcome Dr. D to my family of doctors. My first appointment went like this:

Dr. D: So what brings you to see me?
Me: I had a heart attack in October 2010, I have 6 stents and I'm having trouble breathing on a regular basis.
Dr. D: Well that's not good is it?? (smile)
Me: Not really. 

I know - it seems odd that he didn't know that. For some reason my OTHER doctor had not released my file to my NEW doctor. OK, doctor's are generally awesome and intelligent human beings but they can't magically figure out a patient's medical history without a file. And it's really quite impossible for ME to explain to the doctor everything that has gone on with my heart for the last two years. I signed the release (before the appointment) and did everything I was supposed to do - but no file. And we wait. So he set up another nuclear stress test (YUCK) and an echo-cardiogram. Fun times. My blood pressure and "cardiac" reaction were great. My breathing?? Yeah. Not so much. I almost passed out. And not from being out of shape (which I currently AM) but from lack of oxygen. Possible diagnosis? Asthma.

REALLY?? Seriously??? (insert a string of very bad words here)


I'm partially encouraged because it could be caused by the medication that Dr. T kept "upping" the dosage on. But at the same time I'm highly frustrated. It's like a big slap in the face. 

And to top everything off my blood sugar has decided to go all wonky on me. That's just great. 

But we wait. Dr. A treats the blood sugar problems "temporarily" until Dr. D. and I can figure out what the heck is going on with my breathing. I just know that once I can exercise without passing out things will normalize again. I have faith. Most days.

Have I mentioned lately that I hate all of this? Am I thankful to be here and have a life to live? Absolutely. But that doesn't change the fact that every time I turn around I feel like I hit another wall. Don't get me wrong, I don't walk around feeling sorry for myself but there are days when I'm pretty darn pissed off about it and struggle to not throw things and scream. There are also days where I just want to stay in bed and cry and eat not-sugar-free bon bons (WHAT??). Most days I just take it all in stride and remind myself to be thankful. 

By the way - today is an angry-throw-things kind of day. Just saying.

It's also a day where breathing seems extra difficult so that might add to my general frustration.

But I'm glad to be back to my blogging. Maybe venting my frustrations in writing will make me feel better. And maybe not but it's worth a try!!

Summer pictures and yummy-ness to come soon.

Hugs & kisses....

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